new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
