Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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