Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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