i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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