She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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