He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
