Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
