So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
