He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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