Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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