Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
