Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Found the puke drawer
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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