I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
