Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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