dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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