Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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