i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
