he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i love accidental penises.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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