ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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