we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
