We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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