I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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