I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
