as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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