I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
