Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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