I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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