So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
