Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
