seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
