I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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