But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
