Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
