Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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