i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
