I'm really into asian looking animals
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
