Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
