literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
