You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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