looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
