Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is the high leading the old right now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
