five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
