I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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