I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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