somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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