take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
