He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
