Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
