is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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