Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
